Your 4 year old child is hesitating in front of an open door, facing a dark room. She thinks she sees something moving in a far corner. She’s terrified. Starts crying when you insist she goes in there then shut the door behind her.
Do you ignore her fear and shove her in the room, then block her attempts to get out?
Do you smack her repeatedly and tell her to get over it and get in there?
Do you stand in her way when she tries to turn back and tell her the only way this ends is if she does as she’s told?
Do you prod her with a sharp object and poke her until she goes inside?
No?
Then why do this to a horse afraid to cross a spot on the road, or enter a trailer?
Probably because you’ve been told a horse’s refusal to do something is “disrespect”. Reactions caused by fear are also “disrespect”. You have to “ride through it”, don’t let them “get away with it”, you be the boss of them or else. The situation is a battle, a war between you and the horse and you must be the winner. You are on opposing teams, enemies.
If you were in a relationship like this, or the child mentioned above, would the experience, the “battle”, make you trust and respect the other person in the end?
Human brains create stories to justify mistreatment, so, for some people the answer may be “yes”, when the room turns out to be safe after all. But that’s not how the horse, or dog brain works. There are no stories. No critical thinking and mulling over the situation later. No exercises of justification. Just fear and stress in the moment and a solid memory of what caused the fear and stress, and that is you. Not the spot on the road. You. You become linked to that feeling.
The horse complies and you see a win. And you did win. But you lost trust, while patting yourself on the back for being a good “leader”. Except leaders are followed willingly. They do not drive from behind. Bullies drive from behind. Dictators. If you’re kicking and whipping someone to make them work, you are not leading them.
You’re dealing with an animal who is afraid of rabbits. An animal whose first response to danger or abuse is to run.
In the absence of liberty or choice, he fights, but this is not the horse’s first instinct. This is why a horse at liberty is much safer than one on a lead rope or cross ties when something goes wrong.
Get over your “alpha”, “boss”, “leader” macho BS. You are none of those things, nor should you be. You are a bully demanding respect from an animal who has no concept of it.
Be a partner. Someone the horse wants to engage with and please. Someone who creates trust and willingness instead of fear of punishment. Someone the horse won’t try to dump and get rid of at the first sign of danger.
There is no reason for horses to physically fight you if you are not their source of fear. They are dangerous when trapped and misunderstood. Don’t create the situation and set them up for failure. Set them up to succeed instead.